I Have Learned (Part I):

  1. Divine Timing is a beautiful thing.

  2. It is okay to go against societal norms.  Every so often, it is even necessary.

  3. Respect.  Almost all of your adult experiences will be colored by how well you understand–and apply–this word.

  4. Murphy’s Law is real and indiscriminate.  When it’s your turn, breathe deep and just flow with it.

  5. Wisdom & knowledge are not mutually exclusive.

  6. Wealth does not infer “class.”  Poverty does not infer “trash.”

  7. Pick your battles.  Fight only for what is truly important.

  8. Karma is a bitch (a really big bitch).  You always want to be on her good side.  So act accordingly.

  9. At the root of most interpersonal conflict is the mistaken belief that everyone else thinks, speaks, acts, and reacts the same way you would.

  10. “To Thine Own Self Be True” is really just a bullshit statement until you’re 35 or older.  Thereafter, you start realizing just how brilliantly that one statement sums up your future goals in life.




Part Deux: Shit I Don’t Like


  • Non-handicapped people who park in handicapped spots just because it’s close to an ATM machine or because they are “just running into the store real quick.”  No one gives a shit as to your reason excuse.  If you’re not handicapped, just don’t do it!  Show some fucking respect, man!  How hard is this?

  • Short, scrawny, fugly lil white boys driving big honkin’ jacked up trucks who put a “No Fat Chicks” sticker on the rear window.  Seriously?  YOU have the nerve to discriminate like that??  LOLolololol………..dude.

  • Psycho-dialers.  If they didn’t answer the phone the first five fuckin’ times, just…seriously.  The fuck are you thinkin’?!?!

  • Hairless cats.  That shit’s just not natural, man.

  • Slow drivers who a.) drive in the inside / passing lane and b.) refuse to move their slow ass over.  It’s called the “passing” lane for a fuckin’ reason!  Dumbass.

  • People who allow their kids to run around like little heathens in a store, repeatedly call the kid’s name while the kid pretends he’s deaf, and then have the nerve to yell, “Joey, I’m warning you….one….two….”  Lady, just shuddup already.  Go snatch that little snot-nosed hooligan up, smack his ass once or twice, and drag him back over to where you were.  We all support you in this.  Really.

  • Men who drive through a parking lot, honk their horn when they see a girl and yell, “Hey gurl, com’ ‘ere!”  You, sir, are a lazy, disrespectful bastard.  I’d also lay down some serious jack betting  that you’re broke, shitty in bed, and living with your mama!

  • Desperate Women who actually walk their happy asses up to the car to talk to the lazy-assed man who just picked her up by sittin’ on his ass.  Sister, the fuck are you doing?!  You are not Papa John’s.  You do not deliver coochie!  Did your mama never teach you this?!

  • People who pick their nose while driving & flick the boogers out the window.  A.) That’s just gross.   B.) You make me wonder just how many of the bug corpses on my windshield are really bug corpses.  And I don’t like having to wonder about that.

  • Women who wear skimpy clothes into a store and then make comments to their friends about all the fugly guys looking at them.  Well, duh, bitches!!!