Ma called me and wanted me to chauffeur her around for the day while she ran errands and did some shopping. I told her I couldn’t because I had a really bad headache.
Ma (the hypochondriac) then remarks, “you sure have had a lot of headaches lately. Maybe you need to go to the doctor!”
“No, Ma,” I said, “I don’t need a doctor. I just need to stay where I’m at, stay still, and it will go away.”
Not one to give up, Ma then pushes on with, “But hon-ney! You have been getting them a lot! Don’t you think that means something?”
In a dry tone of voice I replied, “Yeah, Ma. It means the pain in my ass has migrated to my brain.”
Ma paused to think for a few seconds and then said, “You’re talking about me, aren’t you. That’s not funny.”
(She never thinks shit is as funny as I do…)